


breathing

by sunflowertaetae



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Car Accidents, Heavy Angst, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-26
Updated: 2020-04-26
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:41:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,255
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23863207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunflowertaetae/pseuds/sunflowertaetae
Summary: The bed is always warm, and sometimes if he's lucky Seungmin can imagine that Hyunjin is still lying next to him, breathing soft and slow. Breathing.
Relationships: Hwang Hyunjin/Kim Seungmin
Kudos: 34





	breathing

**Author's Note:**

> got a sudden burst of inspiration and decided to post this since we're all stuck at home anyways.  
> hope everyone is staying home and staying healthy. :)

Seungmin often dreams about that night. It's never anything too specific, flashes of colours and words here and there, but the dreams hold enough of his memories for him to be able to tell in an instant.

For reasons unknown he can never wake up. In technical terms he can, eyes flying open when the screeching of metal in his ears becomes too loud for him to bear, but the nightmare continues. 

The bed is always warm, and sometimes if he's lucky Seungmin can imagine that Hyunjin is still lying next to him, breathing soft and slow. Breathing. He would be in his favourite band t-shirt, something he wore to bed every night (he had three copies of the same shirt to ensure that they could be washed every once in a while), and a pair of shorts or sweats. It always depended on the night, and how the weather was. 

Seungmin had never understood how he managed, but Hyunjin was always on his back. Whether sprawled out or cuddled around Seungmin on top of him, Hyunjin always slept on his back. There would be the rare occasion where he would turn on his side just to snuggle into his boyfriend's warmth, and Seungmin recalled those times with fondness. His boyfriend was always so soft when he was half asleep and it warmed Seungmin's heart to see Hyunjin so comfortable.

For almost a year Seungmin has been living through his fantasies that Hyunjin is still there, by his side through everything. Still there when Seungmin's mom eventually passes, still there when his nephew is born. Still there to hold his hand as he cries, laughs.

But he's not. 

Seungmin looks over to the right side of the bed. The sheets are ruffled from Seungmin thrashing around in the middle of a dream (or is it a nightmare? Seungmin can't tell anymore). Seungmin's forehead is drenched in sweat, as are his back and legs. Thunder rumbles outside of his window, steady, and lightning flashes across the glass and on the floorboards.

The man hauls himself up and into the bathroom to brush his teeth and do his basic skincare. The bags under his eyes are still there as they always are. He laughs, voice lacking any humour, as he thinks about them being his one and only constant. As a wedding photographer his life is always moving, changing, and most things for Seungmin don't stay the same for long. He isn't saying change is bad, but most of the time Seungmin just wishes everything would stop. 

But it doesn't and life continues on. Seungmin had his chance to stop, and he didn't take it. 

He finishes in the bathroom and makes his way to the kitchen. A framed photo of him and Hyunjin hangs in the hallway, a simple picture of them on a beach, the sun lighting up their glowing faces. Jisung took that, and if Seungmin were being honest he would say that he and Jisung haven't spoken in a long time. But Seungmin is rarely honest with himself, so he passes the picture with little more than a glance. 

Their cat (still Hyunjin's, legally, although ownership was transferred to Seungmin) lounges on the couch, cream-coloured fur sticking out where she's probably been cleaning her tummy. The black spots on her face are greying, the only thing showing her old age. He pets her as he passes and she meows sweetly in response.

The kitchen is mostly clean, a few dishes loitering here and there. The coffee maker hasn't served its purpose in close to a year, mostly due to the fact that Seungmin prefers to drink tea. He remembers the first time he saw Hyunjin drink straight black coffee right after an all-nighter and Seungmin had swore to himself that he'd never seen anything more gross. 

Seungmin breaks out the pan he and Hyunjin would specifically fry eggs on. Even though he's exhausted he knows that he has to eat before work. He's going to be active for close to eight hours with few breaks, so he has to build up strength. 

It's still a little dark out, probably more because of the clouds than the night, and the clock on the stove reads 8:34. Hyunjin's work cup (something he always put his coffee in for the morning and later switched to water, of course after washing it out) stands proudly next to the appliance, again not having been used for longer than would be advised. 

Seungmin works on his breakfast while Sunny weaved in between his legs. She meows for him to fill her bowl with something more than just cat food. Seungmin ignores her in favour of finishing his food and getting ready for the rest of the day. 

Hyunjin's old clothes still hang in the closet, content (or maybe not, Seungmin doesn't know) to just hang there, waiting to be used. One time (and one time only) Seungmin tried on Hyunjin's favourite button up, a shirt that he would wear to something like a friendly gathering. Seungmin ended up on the floor, silently screaming for Hyunjin. That was the last time Seungmin even glanced at the clothes; they now sit at the far back of his mind, along with many other memories of Hyunjin and their time together.

It's sad, how much he thinks of Hyunjin, but it was his apartment too. The lease was signed with his name, and his things are still in each room where he left them. It was like Seungmin wanted a reminder that Hyunjin existed, that he was as real as Seungmin himself is. 

That their time together wasn't just a dream, like Seungmin's entire life seems to be. 

\----

This Week's Headlines: Couple In Deadly Accident, One Dead, Officials Say

On Saturday night, Hwang Hyunjin and Kim Seungmin were making their way back to their inner-city apartment from the mountain just south of Geochang. According to friends of the couple, they were spending their honeymoon in a lodge close to the area and had gone sightseeing on their last day on the mountain. 

The night didn't go as the two had planned, however. In Kim Seungmin's statement to police, he recounted the event of a tragic car accident. Mr. Hwang was in the driver's seat, joking and laughing despite the exhaustion they were both facing from their long day. One glance away from the road to his husband sent their car careening across the oncoming lane and into a tree lining the forest around them. Police that were the first at the scene say that the accident is most likely due to the many potholes lining both lanes of the road. 

Both were found by a passing car. Neither was breathing when the passengers of the second car arrived. One man (Bang Chan) was able to quickly get Kim Seungmin out of the car and breathing again, and now the twenty-six year old is in the hospital recovering. Hwang Hyunjin remained stuck in the car and was unable to be revived.

\----

Late at night, when the world is quiet and he’s alone, Seungmin thinks about the accident. He wonders to himself, and has even voiced the questions inside his head to the empty air in their room.

Does he wish that it was him that died instead of Hyunjin? Would things be different if he hadn’t begged Hyunjin to drive even though he’d said earlier in the day that he would take them back to their apartment? Does he wish he died too?

**Author's Note:**

> let me know if there were any mistakes or if i should update the tags  
> stay safe everyone!
> 
> insta: baffledstrawberries / _jaysuns  
> twt: berryhj


End file.
